Is it the end or the beginning????

That is the question I have been asking myself for some time now. The subject? My baby, JT, is starting school. VPK. Yeah, it is only for a half of day. But it marks the start of his long school career ahead.

We have been crazy busy this summer. We normally are busy, but even more so this summer. I think honestly it has been my defense mechanism so to speak. Trying to cram all I can into the weeks before both of my children are in school............now we just have summers to be carefree like that. Neither one of them will be home with me all day, everyday. And that, believe it or not, makes me so sad.

I have been home for just about seven years now. When we started we thought it would be for one. But here we are, all this time later. I have been with them, everyday, through everything. Admittedly, there were many a days, that I was wishing I could be working. Staying home fulltime is truly the hardest job I have ever done, or I believe ever will do. Yet, the other side to that, the much brighter, fulfilling side is simply I HAVE been home. It is such a huge blessing. A blessing I feel was hand delivered by God. My husband, has worked hard in so many ways to provide this for us. And God has been there allowing him to be able to do that. I wouldn't change a thing. But now I am faced with my dilemma. My question.

Tonight I go to JT's VPK meeting. Tomorrow, he meets his teacher and sees his classroom. One of the things I am so thankful for is once again God has provided for me. He has put people in my life to go through this with. Things that have happpened in the past, have now come to light as part of His plan. My daughter last year, could have become best friends at school with 89 other Kindergartners. But He led her to Grace. Which led me to Sarah, a friend I have had only a year, yet I feel like we have known each other since we were kids. Her family is truly one of, if not, THE most sincere, caring and loving families I have ever met. And now, her little girl, Ruby and my little boy JT are in the same class. That will greatly help me to go through this with someone I feel close to. Also, last year, when I had my brief teaching career at CHUMP, I wondered what in the world God brought me there for to have it end how it did. One of the answers I have found, was so that I could meet another new friend that was totally unexpected. I loved her daughter to pieces when I was teaching, and now I love her mom so much also. We didn't even become friends until after I left, but what a blessing Annie is. Even though her little girl will not be in the same class as JT, we will both go through it together, and I am so thankful we will!!! She has turned out to be one of my greatest sources of strength when things have been going crazy and again, I feel like we have known each other so long, she is just that special.

So I guess the answer is both. It is the end of things the way they have been. But the begining of a new way for us. New doesn't mean bad. Just different. And through it all, I keep reminding myself, that JT will love it. There will be a transition, I am sure. But he will love it........

.......even if he did ask me again last night if I could just homeschool him!!!!

The phone call..........

Well it has been about 48 hours now since the call came. It was the call I have been dreading for the last four years. After I saw I missed NINE calls from my husband, I had a knot in my stomach already knowing he would not call like that unless something was wrong.

The phone had been in our bedroom and I didn't hear it. I decided I had better go get it because he would be calling me soon. I saw the missed calls and quickly dialed his number. No answer. While waiting to hear the voice I have heard for the last seventeen years on a daily basis, my phone beeped. It was Gary. And then there it was...the five words I have dreaded....."I've been in an accident"........................


What? What? What? I said, more tears coming out each time I asked. After finding out if he was ok, I realized my heartrate had now caught up with the million thoughts flying through my head. I couldn't believe it. He sounded ok...but shaken up, I knew if he was shaken up it was bad. But I didn't even ask about the car.

Once I was able to schedule the tow truck to meet him.... in the ditch, on the interstate... I asked how the car was. Pretty banged up, was what I heard. Then I asked, what happened. I still could not believe it! Getting the kids ready to go pick him up, they were oblivious! Thankfully. There biggest question was if daddy was going to get to stay home from work tomorrow while his car got fixed! God certainly does take care of everything! :)

Driving home, with all of us together, I just kept giving praise to God for the biggest blessing in my life I have been given, Gary. I thanked him for not taking him away from us whether it would have been to the hospital, or worse. Nothing else mattered. Not how we would get around without his car, the insurance deductible, the fact that the accident was clearly not any fault of my husband's and not knowing if the car could even be fixed or not. All that mattered in the entire world was that he was ok. And with that knowledge, we were all better than ok!

The celebrating continues...........

Today, JT got to open two more birthday presents, from his Aunt Donna and Uncle Lou. He loves them!!! Such perfect gifts for him.....a bug vacuum and a backyard safari to keep his new friends in!!!!!!!!!

I still cannot believe that he is FOUR! That is so big to me.....maybe because he is my baby, I just don't want to see this time slip through my hands. I remember the day we brought him home. We were not sure if he liked us! Seriously!!! I was thinking, I hope he warms up to us! He did quickly!

I thought he was sooo tiny, and he had over a pound on his sister when she was born! I wish I could go back and watch it all again. A movie of his little life. His sweetness, smiles, hugs, and even the meltdowns he has had! They all make up who he is.

Some days, I think how in the world am I going to get him ready to one day, go out into the world and be a good man. It seems like so much work to get him ready for that. I don't know how it will all be accomplished. I get overwhelmed if I let myself think about it. One day, he will be grown. One day, he will have his own job, own family, his own home and his own difficulties and triumphs in life. Just how do Gary and I prepare him for that! I don't know, but maybe that is the reason God gives us 18+ plus years to do that work!!!!!! I will definately need that time. Until then, I will love him, and sneak kissses to him at night when he is sleeping so he doesn't wipe them off. And when he has a meltdown, like he does, I will keep reminding myself, one day I will be WISHING for that meltdown as I will be wishing for and longing for these days!!!!!!!

What we don't know........

I am so guilty of going through life, thinking I know the best thing for me. The best thing for my children. Even the best thing for my husband. I admit it. I get caught up in that easily. Then, when something does not work out, the way I believed it would, I am quick to think, why don't things go the way they are supposed to!

What I forget is that, I am not in control. God is. And honestly, He is the only one who knows. He knows what we think. He knows what we feel. He knows what we are going through now and in the future. He just knows...........US.

I try so hard to "figure out" things. I worry about things. I try to "fix" things. The answer is really simple. You would think it would be so easy to just do what we are supposed to do.....trust in our Lord. He sees things we cannot. Whether they be now, or years from now.

I look now at things that happened in my life, and think literally years later.......ahhhh that was His Plan. That is what He knew. That is how He protected me. And then there are the things that perhaps we will not know in our life on Earth. That is ok.

The last year, has been a hard one in a lot of ways. And along the way, I cried out many times to God for help on so many different levels. I only now, can look back and see, the Blessings I was given. Not only by having God in charge of so many things so much bigger than me. But by the people He put around me. The ones He made sure focussed on me in all the ways I need. And it is that knowledge, that comfort that makes me realize, what we don't know is ok. It is ok because the One who needs to know, does. And He will always provide for us in every way, even if it is in ways we don't know we need.

Where does the time go?!!!!!!?

People say it ALL the time. But it is SO true! Where. Does. The. Time. GO????

Literally, it seems like in the blink of an eye, the two little people in our lives have gone from tiny helpless little babies to two, individual, independent bigger people. We were married over ten years before we were given these gifts. Ten years. That is a long time. Yet, now I think....what the heck did we do for TEN years just the two of us? Now I can't imagine one day without either of them, yet alone years. Amazing. All I know now, is I don't want even one day without them......had I known what the other side of this would have been like......I don't think I could have waited even a day for them. We are so blessed.

Strawberry Picking=Fun and Amazing Day!!!

We had so much fun on Saturday at Oak Haven Farms!!! It was family day, we picked delicious strawberries, played on the playground, went on a hayride, had cotton candy (JT's first on a stick like that!) and bounced in the bouncehouse!!!! So much fun an FREE fun at that (well paid for the strawberries!!!)....and the weather could not have been more perfect!!! Such an awesome day that we will remember for so many years to come!!!! :)

What we did after school.......

Well...we started with good educational intentions....practicing letters, writing word problems out etc. in the cookie sheets filled with shaving cream!!! But soon it turned to this.....tons of fun!!!! Oh, well........guess we will shoot for a little more time on task for next time!!!! ;)

Buses and children and gardens.... oh my!!!!

Yesterday was Rachel's very first fieldtrip!!!! We went to Bok Tower Garden. I must admit, when I first heard of the trip a couple weeks ago, I thought it would not really be much fun to go there for five year olds! I was still excited to be going....but was a bit unsure of the "fun factor" to come!!

I was happily surprised at how much fun the kids had. Me too! I drove myself, but the kiddos got to ride in chartered, air conditioned buses while watching Eric Carle videos! Things have certainly changed since my field trip days!

Once we all arrived,we watched an "informational" movie (requested popcorn from the kids could not be given!!!) Then, we were off on our Sensory Scavenger Hunt , looking for animals, flowers, gardens, the Tower etc.

My four kids were awesome!! Such well behaved kids, loving being free in the warm, outdoors to giggle, learn and just have fun! I loved seeing Rachel with her classmates. So animated and happy. My little girl is growing up so fast....everyday when I think I can't love her anymore, I am proven wrong as she falls deeper into my heart.

After the hunt, we had our picnic lunch and then the kiddos played in the play area!!! So much is expected these days at school...even in Kindergarten. It was so nice to sit back and watch the kids be what they are...KIDS! I am still amazed at how well 90 five and six year olds got along. I have been on a lot of fieldtrips before, from when I was teaching. But this is by far, my favorite one, as I was able to just be with Rachel to relax and have fun!!!

Really, a blessing. A blessing to add to so many other blessings in my life! :)

Germ Patrol...Rachel style!!!!

Yesterday morning as I dropped Rachel off at school, I heard a story from the lunchroom the day before. Not from Rachel...but from one of the teachers at school. Ms. Green, is out at the car line each morning helping all the students and she also assists in the lunchroom every day. She helps the kids get settled, open difficult things etc. She thought the story was so funny, she wanted to tell me...and I was glad she did, as it put a big smile on my face!

Rachel apparently, asked her "do you remember to wash your hands everyday before you come here to help us!". Ms. Green told her, "definately, we wash our hands...why are you asking?" Rachel then told her..."well I just want to make sure there are not germs all over the place from you since you help us and are close to our food everyday!" So then, the teacher asked her, "what made you think of that?" "oh just my brain".

Then that was it, she was content to have the two Ms. Greens do what they have done since day one at school, help everyone....knowing their hands are clean of course.

So, as I laughed, I also smiled to myself thinking...I guess her brain has all of her father and my reminders filed away about hand washing.

Even if those reminders are usually followed with groaning and a relunctant "allllll riiiight!"

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm..................

Summer is coming...and......we all scream for ice cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of life's greatest treats...going out for ice cream!

JT is definately one of ice cream's biggest fans! So is Rachel, just couldn't get a picture of her enjoying it! Oh well....there will be lots more times for that!

A perfect end to a perfect day...YUM!

Snowball Fight!!!! :)

So tonight, we had a family "snowball" fight. Yep, that is right, a snowball fight.... in March. Right here in Florida!!!! Right in our house....just the four of us (oh, I guess five the five of us for the couple of times Brandi was in our path!!!)

Gary gathered up all of our socks.........all folded up in nice little balls. Had Rachel close her eyes...put a pile right in front of her and then proclaimed........"SNOWBALL FIGHT!!!!!!!!"

Gary and Rachel started...I joined in right away...and about two seconds later, around the corner comes JT, screeching...."SNOWBALLS!!!!"...as he raced to pick up some from the floor and join in!

The shrieks of excitement continued!!! This is what memories are made of!


The snowballs were flying. And so was the love!!!!

Gary Dean Brown

When I was 16 years old, the most awesome thing happened to me. I met the most amazing boy. Yes, back then he was a boy. And I was just a girl. Afterall...that was nearly 22 years ago.



I walked into a fast food restaurant, Wendy's, to start my first job. Behind the counter was another employee. I remember he opened the door for me. I remember he smiled back at me when I said "thanks". I remember hearing his voice on the intercom reading off an order as I followed my new manager to the back of the store. I remember it all...because it is truly at the top of the list of defining moments in my life.

Little did I know on that day, in that moment, I had met the best friend of my entire life. Little did I know that in just a little over a year after that time (July 12th 1988 to be exact), I would realize that he would start to be my second "real" boyfriend...which I would eventually come to find out would be my last boyfriend. And little did I know, that just a little over four years after that (August 1, 1992), he would become my husband. My definate better half. My ultimate supporter in every way. My hero everyday. And of course the love of my life.


Since I met Gary, we have certainly been through a lot. New jobs, college graduations, births of babies, deaths in our families, a lot of moves, some hard times and tons of great times. He is the person in my life, that I know, no matter what, I can go to and have that soft place to fall. Or when I have good news, he is the first person I want to share it with. He embodies the phrase of "putting your family first"...in every single way. He loves me unconditionally. He is the most positive role model to our son of what kind of man to be in life. And he is a shining example, for our daughter to see, of what a husband should be and how he should treat you, so she in turn one day can find someone positive and loving to share her life with.

I have worried about a lot of things in my life. I have second guessed myself on a lot of decisions I have made. But, the one thing, that I have never worried about or second guessed myself on is that I found the person in the world that God literally created for me. I found my soul mate. I found my best blessing in life. I found Gary Dean Brown....I love you so much!!!

REB!

Rachel and her great friend, Grace!!! Grace's mom, Sarah, took these pictures as well...notice the mark on her face. This was fresh off the blacktop at school that day...already almost gone now!



Our sweet daughter, Rachel Elizabeth Brown. Given to us on February 2, 2003!


I remember the day we found out we were going to have our first baby. So many feelings overwhelmed me....pure happiness at the top, excited, scared, nervous and such eager anticipation of what was to come. We had waited a long time for her. By the time she got to us...eleven years to be exact. I remember, while we were waiting all those years, we watched, what seemed like, everyone around us having babies. Starting families. But Gary and I waited. And waited. But when we finally decided it was time to have our own baby, we were blessed, oh so blessed by God.

I remember the day at our ultrasound, waiting to find out what we would be having! I was SURE it was a boy. And I was soooo excited. Nope, I was wrong, it was a girl. In that moment, I heard myself say out loud, "a daughter". Hard for me to admit and even believe now, but I never had this longing for a daughter. I know, strange huh? I REALLY wanted a boy. I have no idea why. But in that moment, that one moment that I heard "a girl", that all changed. Suddenly, all I wanted was our daughter. I dreamed of all to come with the joy of having a daughter. That time truly gave meaning to the fact of God knowing what is best for us. Because what was best for us was to have a little girl.

Rachel is SUCH a girl. She is all girl. She loves dresses, painting her nails, putting clips in her hair, "lipstick" (aka lipgloss) and all the stereotypical things little girls love. She is my heart. I sit and try to file away in my brain these times we have together. The love she gives me so freely, so fully. Hearing her tell me "I love you mommy" will always melt my heart. I try to file these away, because I know the day is coming. The day as it often does for mothers and daughters when I may not be so lucky to hear all of those things so often. I am sure we will "butt heads" often in her teenage years. Yet, I know it is all part of the package. The package of having a mother daughter relationship. I will need to remind myself of that in the future for sure.

But until then, I will sit back and enjoy this perfect little package.....our daughter. I love you Rachel, more than you will ever know!!!

JT Brown

(Some adorable pics by my awesome friend (and photographer!!!) Sarah!!!! Thanks Sarah!)



Joshua Thomas Brown, I love you!!! On July 29th 2005, we were given the wonderful gift of our son! Gary and I both really like the name Joshua, so it was. And then, Thomas was given after my dad. My dad passed away when I was just four months old, so I never knew him. But he left me with my name. Not just my last name, but my whole name as he named me. It may seem strange but, still to this day after nearly 38 years, I hold onto that. So I was able to do the same, and give our son a name after his grandpa, who I am sure is with him always. And so everytime I call him JT or hear someone else do so, I think of my father and smile to myself.

JT is the most intense child I know. He does everything intense. He can be the most stubborn little man one second and literally the next, he is like jelly melting into your arms giving you love. He has a heart of gold. He really does. Despite the fact that he likes to yell and hit his sister (such fun in our house), he loves to hug her and is always thinking of her. He will ask often during the day, "is it time for Wachel to come home yet?" When I tell him, not yet, he gives a "ohhhhhh..." in disatisfaction as he looks down at the ground. Then he will quickly ask "is it now mama?" or "in a few minutes wight?" He is in total awe of her. He really is. Last week, as I was getting ready to go pick up Rachel and her sweet friend from school, JT went into the fridge and got out two cheese sticks. Then, he promptly went to Rachel's room. He returned with two princess toys. He then told me, very intently, "I got theeeese for Wachel and Gwacie so they have something to eat and play with on the way home!" Well, as you can imagine, that made my heart melt in every way!

That is what he does. He makes your heart melt. Whether it is his sleepy self dragging his little body into bed next to you at 5:30 in the morning to say "I love you....I lay next to you" or the way his face lights up every night when his daddy comes through the door, or even after he has been naughty and has to say "sowwy" to you, your heart melts. I cannot imagine our lives without him or his love. I love you Joshua Thomas Brown!!!

She is ALMOST six!!

Rachel and her friends at her 6th Birthday Party!!!Sooooo....who would throw a birthday party at home right in the middle of the chaotic life of packing up one house to move to another house....well me!!! Things are crazy around here these days. Everyday, Rachel begging PLEAAAAASE can we go eat dinner at the new house tonight (not doable since the pots and pans are hidden away in the packing box in the garage still) and then we have JT who asks everyday as he sees more stuff being moved..."Is today the day we are moving mama?"

So right in the middle of our crazy life, we had Rachel's 6th Birthday Party last Saturday night at our sort of house! It was an "almost sleepover" party from 6-9 ...the kids had an absolute awesome time. The five friends Rachel is super close too all were able to come. It would not have been the same without them all!!! They are such amazing kids, from awesome families. We are sooo blessed to have them all in our lives. They all played perfect together all night. Had such an amazing time together, so respectful to each other and the old ones there that night (Gary and me). Really, a true reflection and example of their awesome parents. They had pizza, cake (decorated by me...and you can tell!!!), popcorn, juice and snacks...yes they were nice and sugared up when they were picked up!! They changed into their pjs, jumped in their sleeping bags and watched a movie. Rachel had a great time and it is definately a party I think she will always remember.

Now, in just five days, it will all be for real. She will be six. I cannot believe that it has been six years since she came into our lives and taught her father and I the meaning of complete, unconditional love at first sight! I remember dreaming of the day we would be able to havea baby...we waited sooo long...ten years until we decided it was time to make that dream real. God blessed us more than we could ever imagine.

Who would have thought you could love someone so much before you even met her? I remember holding her for the first time, realizing, she is all ours. We get to keep her!! We don't have to give her back, we are a real family now! Everyday, this ray of sunshine brightens our world. Everyday, with every hug and kiss, I realize that everything in my life led up to having her. If one thing were different I wouldn't have HER! Everyday, is a gift; a gift that we were entrusted to have from God.

The last six years have been full of amazing firsts....smiling, walking, hearing "I love you mama", going to school for the first time....it goes on and on. When I think of the next six years....I can only imagine the blessings that lie ahead of us. She is 1/3 the way to an "adult". I cannot imagine that.

It doesn't matter how many years go by, she is always my baby. Always my little girl....and definately always one of the two (her brother the other of course) best gifts we will EVER receive!!!

Thankful

It is so easy to get caught up in life...the crazy happenings that go on day to day. The things that happen to you and with you, that for the moment just seem awful. Yet, when you think back on them weeks, months and even years later, you realize they really didn't mean what you thought.

I am blessed. In so many ways. Yeah, things have happened to me. Just as they have happened to everyone. Things that we don't understand, God does understand and he has a reason for everything. It is all planned out for us and about us. It is so true, He does not make mistakes.

In our crazy day to day lives, we sometimes forget about the important things that happened that day. Things like, hearing your children laugh and seeing them smile so much today. Seeing your husband love your children and know that he loves you too and has for so many years. Talking with family members on the phone that are far away and knowing they are okay. Knowing that although you don't always agree on some things, they do love you and they are always there for you. Knowing you have friends that are so close they are like family. Some you have known for years, your children were born the same time and you have watched them grow up together. Others you met just recently but seems like you have known each other for years because they are already so close to your heart. Knowing that you have a church to go to and can thank God in public and don't live in a country where you are persecuted or even worse for this. Having a place that is your home, in every way that counts.

I am thankful for so many blessings in my life. I am thankful for so many people in my life. And I am thankful for so many times yet to come.

Whether they will be good times or difficult times, they are mine.

Moving!!!!

It has been so long since I have written...hope all is well with everyone. So much going on with us. For those of you that didn't know....we are moving. Busy, busy with packing and wondering just how I have accumulated so much stuff over these last 16 years!!! I swear it has tripled since we had our kiddos!!!! Excited about our new place! The floorplan is above!!!

We also just finished our VERY overdue garage sale this weekend!!! So glad that is done. The funniest part of the day had to have been when a lady saw our glider for sale for $80...I know sounds kind of steep for a garage sale maybe but it is in like new shape... then there is the sentimental value in it. Anyway, as she walked by it, she yelled out "I'll give you $5 for that!" I was sure I heard her wrong...asked her how much, and she repeated the same thing. I politely declined as I listened to her mumble how things are too expensive "nowadays" as she headed back to her car! In the end, we ended up moving the chair inside since as Gary reminded me "we can just keep it....you don't have to get rid of it"......


So we will move it along with all the other stuff we have in just a couple of weeks. The kids will be able to enjoy the cushiness of it, Gramma can still enjoy sitting in it when she visits knowing it is the only place in the house Brandi doesn't sit in or on and I, well, I can always sit in it as I remember rocking Rachel and JT (well at least JT....Rachel hated to be rocked). As I sit, you can be sure I will treasure the memories of those early days with the two most amazing gifts that Gary and I have been blessed with from God!!!

Simple Things = FUN!

Rachel taking time out to pose for a picture in the Dinosaur Dig area outside the TRex Restaurant!

Rachel and JT digging for dinosaur fossils!!!!

Happy New Year to everyone! I hope 2009 has been great for everyone! We have had a very relaxing couple of days, it has been awesome. Yesterday we just hung out and today we headed over to Downtown Disney for a few hours. It was SO beautiful out today. The kids had a blast.

Now we used to do DTD what I thought was the fun way. We would go, get some lunch, play at the Lego store, go to the World of Disney store etc. The difference between then and now is well , we have no money now!!! Simple right? Well, we actually did not have money then either, except now we know it and admit it! And this simple act of having to live differently now, well it has turned out to be more fun than before.

Like I said, before we would go to the different stores. Before we would fill up a box full of Mr. Potato Head toys or My Little Pony toys (a steal at 18.95 right...NOT). We would fill it up, take it home and there it would sit. Played with some of the time, but mostly it would just sit. We may go for lunch at Rainforest Cafe! That definately sets you back. Now, we go and spend about twenty minutes at the Mr. Potato Head section and just PLAY! Then we leave it all there, no box, and move onto the My Little Pony section and play there for a bit, then off we go, again no box in hand!!! And guess what, they were totally fine! Had a ton of fun!

Today, we took the boat over to Port Orleans Riverside resort. Free ride and the kids love it. When we got there, we walked around and looked at all the decorations still up from Christmas.

Then, it was lunchtime so we did go to the food court, Rachel and JT split a kids meal for 4.50 and Gary and I decided we will just eat at home later. So we "did" lunch for less than $5.00!! woohoo We finished it off with about 45 minutes at the playground, always the best fun for Rach and JT. Then back on the boat, for a leisurely 15 minute ride back.

Back at DTD we HAD to check out the TRex restaurant...or at least the outer part of the restaurant! We were able to see the dinosaurs come alive...should've taken a picture of that, but didn't. Glanced at the "Build a Dino" store and of course passed it by. Then went outside to the dino dig area. The kids had so much fun digging for fossils, we must have been there about 45 minutes. It was all free fun! We were going to pan for gold until we found out that we had to pay four dollars for that....feel so cheap but we skipped that! Then onto the Lego store to try and build some cars out front........however it was a ZOO so off we headed home. Not bad for an afternoon under $5!!!

Tonight, we got home, made some dinner and watched a movie together for a Family Movie Night!!! A perfect end to a fun family day!!!

So, I am learning that fun is definately what we make it. Simple is fun! And not to mention inexpensive, which is what we are all about these days!!!!!