New Beginnings............

Today was the first day of the new school year. Today, Rachel returned to Lincoln Avenue Academy for the third year...the THIRD year...seriously???? I can hardly believe she is now in second grade. She is growing up faster than my eyes can keep watch on her. It is so cliche sounding , but it really seems like just yesterday she was born! And now......woooooosh...... like through a time warp....it is second grade!!!!

I am so proud of her for all of the reasons I normally am...but TODAY....she took on a new role. Big sister at school to JT!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was giving him all the ins and outs to know about the school over their breakfast chat, followed by what he would find on the menu for the Kindergarten sendoff and finally by sweetly taking him by his hand and making sure he got to the car at dismissal. She loves him. She protects him. She looks out for him. She lived up to everything I ever believed she would do.......and then some!

JT first let his Kindergarten teacher know that "I actually like the name Joshua more than JT". This was told to her, despite the fact that just four short days ago at orientation, me, his mother, who has been calling him JT most of every day for the last five years, wrote on the index info. card that he LIKES to be called JT. I simply looked on smiling as I snapped another picture! CLICK!!!!!!!!!!!

Then it was off to the cafeteria for his special treat of juice and cinnamon rolls. My tears started flowing at this point. It wasn't like when we sat here with Rachel and I thought, "Well I still have my little one to go home with me." He IS my little one. My baby. SO very hard to believe all this time has passed.

Before I knew it, the doorway had been barricaded by the movable stairs, the sure sign that the students, who were now on stage, would be dismissed to their classrooms soon (see I learned this two years ago with Rachel!). I waved goodbye, blew a kiss and mouthed the words "love you".....having no idea if the look he had my way meant he actually saw me or was simply looking for me through the crowd.

Then that was it. He was gone. I looked at Gary. He looked at me. And all I had at that point was the one thing that has held me up for the last 18 years. I had Gary. I took his hand. We walked out of the cafeteria. And it all began again. We started yet another chapter of this life we have together.

Tonight, I am thankful for new beginnings. Yet, so happy as well to have the surroundings I am continued to be blessed with......love, understanding, faith and a very grateful heart for all of it.

FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear JT,

It is almost a month since you reached the milestone of turning 5!!!! I was not very efficient and am just now getting to write my letter to you! Tonight, you are five years and 24 days..........and it is also the eve of you going to Kindergarten!

You are the most amazing boy I know. You are intense, in every single way. You do not do anything halfway. That in itself is a positive force. You are a competitor, even against yourself, like in the Wii when you are playing both Mii's, one in each hand. If you do not beat your high score, you do it again, until you do beat it. Then when you beat it, you are ready to up it again.

You love with your whole heart, which by the way is HUGE! There are times when you are so mad, I think the whole neighborhood must hear you. But there are also the times, when you come to sit next to me and look up at me and simply say, "I love you". I do not get the "lots and lots and lots and lots" like I did about three years ago. But the look in your eyes is EXACTLY the same. The sweetness in your voice is just as sincere. And the love and joy I feel it just as strong. You melt me and little do you know, but at those moments you could ask me for anything, and you would have your wish granted. But you don't ask. You just fall into me and give me the hugs I love.

You are the lucky boy that gets to be Rachel's brother. I know, I know, somedays neither of you see it that way. But trust me, I can see it. I see the love and bond you have for each other. It makes me so incredibly happy because it is real and it will always be a part of your very close relationship. I envision that one day, even though you are the younger one, you will be her protector. You will be there for her in every way. I know it just as sure as I am sitting here typing this. She is such a blessed and lucky girl to have you. And rest assured, she will definately be there for you in every single way too.

So much happened this last year with you! You took off in riding a bike, you slept on the top bunk for the first time, you adjusted to mommy going back to work, you had your first sleepovers with friends, the list goes on and on. You had a very busy year!

One of the biggest things you did was that you went to PreK after being home with me for 4 years. And........ after just two and a half short months into it, yes that is how long it took, you finally decided one morning to not run to the back of the van and hide at drop off, to not ask me for the hundreth time to "pleeeeease just homeschool me", and to not test me by saying, " I can't go today, I am sick." (Yes, like I said you are intense.) It was on that day back in late October, you started climbing out of the van on your own, saying good morning to your teachers while not COMPLETELY hiding behind me and of course, my favorite part hugging and kissing me goodbye while saying a simple "see you soon mama".

Tomorrow, your daddy and I will be taking you to school for your very first day of Kindergarten. So hard to imagine. I have cried a lot of tears while off on my own this last week. Part of me has been looking forward to this day for you. But a big part of me has been dreading it! I know you will be amazing, as you always are. We may or may not have bumps like in the beginning months of PreK. But you will shine, no matter what. I think to myself, the best is yet to come. You are on your way to being more independent, more capable of so many things and more of figuring out a little bit about who you are JT! That is what growing up means. There is a lot of it ahead in the years to come for you. And you WILL get it all done, in your very own way on your own time. But until then, I will enjoy our son. Our five year old son who is right where he needs to be!!!!

I love you....infinity times infinity!!!!!! All is right with you by my side!!!

Happy Birthday sweet boy!!!!!! While it may be a little bit late on this blog, it was right on time in my heart!

Mama xoxoxoxo

Lasting Love..............

So it is definately past Valentine's Day now.....by a little more than a week. But since I was in a blog writing slump, that I just dragged myself out of within the last couple of days, I thought I would post this.

We awoke Valentine's Day morning to find a sweet to eat....and a sweet to read! Gary and I each had one of these on our own individual nightstand! Simple. Sweet. Loving. And put oh so quiet and gingerly without waking us. All done by the best two kids in the world.

I wish I could have been there seeing them come up with this idea. Seeing their excitement to surprise mommy and daddy. But instead, I will be happy with the surprise itself!

Our children can be a lot of things. Lots of the traditional things kids do. Then usually, at least once a day, sometimes more, they stop us in our tracks with their sweet ways. It may be something they say, a look they give us, a hug which always feels like pure love, or even something they make for us....like they did on Valentine's Day morning....on their own.

A lot of people think about love, especially on Valentine's Day. I am so glad we don't just have to think about it...we get to live it every single day with these utterly amazing blessings that God gave to us.

They are truly our neverending and lasting love that tops the list of our many blessings!!!!!!!!

These are the days................

........to remember!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A perfect Sunday afternoon with our kiddos! Some family Wii time, playing outside together, and finally (although no picture for it!) a family game of Chutes and Ladders before sitting down to dinner together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) We are so blessed!!!!!

Happy Birthday to my Anyway Friend.............

(Photo by Sarah Smylie)

Tonight, Gary and I sat together and finally got to catch up on some television shows we had taped from the week. One of my favorites is Private Practice. My hubby likes it too.....although I know he watches it for me more than himself. He is just like that. He does for me before himself.

I am spoiled....by Gary. My own family, first and foremost my mom, would be the first to insist on that. He has done this for me, to me, since we were literally kids. I am blessed...by God who gave Gary to me some 21 plus years ago.


So, today is my amazing husband's birthday. I have been blessed to spend 22 of these days with him on February 20th for so many years. It is on his birthday that I am somehow more aware of the blessing he is in my life.

We have grown up together. Literally. So much time and so many events have passed through our hands over these last two decades. I truly believe, with my whole heart he is the one person just for me. I truly believe that he is the biggest blessing in my life. And I truly believe through a series of events in each of our lives before we ever even met, some happy and some not so happy, it was all for one day our paths to cross and we would meet the person we were born to be with for always. He is my rock. He is my soft place to fall. He is the last thing I want to see before I fall asleep and the first thing I want to see when I wake up in the morning. And I can see myself wanting that for the next 100 years if it was at all possible.

I have always believed Gary to be my very best friend. But tonight, as something was said on that show I love, Private Practice, I realized he is so much more than my best friend. He is simply and importantly....my anyway friend.


Yes, my anyway friend is truly what he is and always has been. When I have screwed up, he was there letting my know how much he loves me. When I had something exciting I did or wanted to share, he was there to let me know how much he loves me. When I was scared, he was there to let me know how much he loves me. Basically, no matter what, he was and is always there to love me.

That is what your anyway friend is. It is the person in your life that is there for you no matter what has happened that day, that week, that month, that year or that decade! It doesn't matter what you tell that person. The person is always there for you. Regardless. There for you ......anyway!

Happy Birthday Gary!!!! I love you with my whole heart. Thank-you for being my husband. Thanks for being you. And thank-you for being not only my best friend in the entire world...but my anyway friend as well!!!!!!! xoxoxo

Thankful.......

Today we went to our volunteer time for the Disney's Give a Day, Get a Day program. For those that do not know about it, you give of your time as a volunteer, and in return are given a voucher to be turned in for a free ticket at Disney World or DisneyLand. So when we heard about this....it didn't take long to realize we were definitely going to participate.

The time that we ended up with was to spend time writing/drawing thank-you cards for the troops overseas. We also were able to help out with care packages for all of these AMAZING men and women both here and abroad who give of themselves everyday for all of us to enjoy the freedom and comforts we afford as we live in the USA while being protected and defended.

As I worked on my cards, I tried to come up with words to whoever would be reading it that would somehow convey that I really am thankful. Nothing I could come up with seemed good enough. How do you really thank someone for doing what our service men and women do?

It is overwhelming to sit and think about. So, I just tried to write from the heart and hope that when they read the cards all of us wrote, God will provide them with the knowledge to fully understand just how special they are. And how brave.

So tonight while I cannot avoid feeling thankful that we will be able to enjoy our day at Disney together. I will choose to focus on the much more important reason to be thankful, from the bottom of my heart. For all the men and women; in the past, present and future; that protect all of us..................

THANK-YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are truely heroes and totally amazing!!!!

Sad Eyes............................

Oh...what a day!!!!!


Rachel has had a bit of a cold for several days now. Just a cold. Seems like whenever I say those three words, they come back to haunt me! She woke up this morning with conjunctivitis. I was pretty sure of it. Sure enough that I had to break her sweet little heart when I told her she could not go to school.

Now, ordinarily, she would have been happy to entertain this idea. Just yesterday, she stepped out of the van at the car circle, only to immediately hop back in and cry while she pleaded to let her stay home. I quickly told her...it is ok....you will be fine..... the nurse will call me if your cold becomes worse. She was a good girl and said a quiet "ok" and hopped back out...still teary eyed.

Had she known what I was REALLY feeling inside....I would have much rather said...."I know, I know baby....sit back down and we will go home." Then I would have wisked her off back home to snuggle on the couch together and watch a favorite movie. Well, if she had known that....then my secret would have been out! I STILL want her home with me every day!!!!

However, this morning was different. It was their Valentine's Day Celebration! And my sweetheart had to miss it! I still feel so bad. She would be contagious though if my gut feeling was right. So no negotiating on that! She cried and I cried too. SO hard to be seven. SO hard to be the mom of a seven year old on mornings like that.

So she stayed home. We went to the doctor. And we got a little bottle of perfection, just like the one pictured. Vigamox. Funny name for such a little bottle of liquid that is almost like an instant miracle worker.

It is amazing how one tiny drop of liquid can go after the yuckies the way it does. So good in fact that by the time 24 hours passes of being on it, you would not know someone that had one day before had a gooky, red, swollen eye. Nope, you wouldn't know that just three doses earlier, that person would have had looked like he or she just got out of the ring with a world boxing champion!!!! And that is the beauty in being blessed to have access to such an amazing thing.

So when my beauty wakes in the morning.....her eyes will be bright and sparkly once again. I will be reminded again how great God is since she is well....something to not take for granted. Her sad eyes....will be gone. And so will mine!!!

Treasures................

When you are four, life is kind of like one big treasure hunt! You go through your days on the lookout for fun things to do, see, hear and find! But on some days, you have extra treasures to collect!

Today, JT had his very first Valentine's Day exchange at school. He was excited to bring his cards and treats in to share.... and as you can see, he was very excited when he got home to discover all the treasures from his friends!!!!

With each card and treat he pulled out, his excitement grew! By the time he got to the bottom of the bag, he was clearly just as excited as when he started. He could hardly believe his eyes when he looked at all of them out on table. "Wow.....wow..." was what he said!

As he grows older, I can only hope he is still as impressed with days like today. The kind of day will change I am sure, but hopefully his sweet excitement and eagerness to enjoy life's treasures will always be there. And one day when he is grown, he will hopefully realize what we as adults ultimately learn. Life's greatest treasures are the people that fill our lives with love.

Joshua Thomas, you certainly fill our lives with love..... and you are definitely one of our most valued treasures!

Some of God's Miracles............................

.....not too much left to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lions and Tigers and...........Busch Gardens!!!

When is the BEST time to go to a theme park? On Superbowl Sunday of course! We have done this several times over the years here in Florida and each time we have found the parks to be super slow and walked onto everything!!!!

While it didn't exactly feel like we were in Africa with the cold wind and need for jackets, the kids had fun. And so did the adults. Everyone knows the real reason to go to those places once you are grown is to feel like a kid again.....right? ;)

In the Blink of an Eye...

Photo by Sarah Smylie (smyliephoto.com)

Photo by Sarah Smylie (smyliephoto.com)

Dear Rachel,

You are seven now! So hard to believe that you have been a part of our lives for seven, beautiful blessed years. It has certainly flown by in so many ways. You are our oldest. Being the oldest means that you were the precious gift God gave to your daddy and I first!

We waited ...and waited to have you. There were many times that waiting almost broke our hearts. I remember thinking everyone around us is having babies...why do we WAIT? We waited to finish up college, waited to get started in our careers, waited to be as stable as we could. So much waiting!!!! But when we finally decided enough of the waiting, the wondering, the longing......you were given to us right away! We found out we would have a little girl. We were beyond thrilled.

When we saw you, your daddy and I cried tears of joy we had never known before. The very first moment you see your child is something that cannot be put into words. It is something so far beyond pure joy, you remember every second of it, literally as if it just happened. One day, you too will have that memory of your own child or children forever imprinted in your memory. It is priceless. As you are Rachel.

We waited a long time for you. But it was because of how long we waited, we have YOU! Now seven years later, not one day of that long waiting matters. Because, in the blink of an eye our world was instantly perfect. That is because we had you.

We love you more than we could ever say or show you!!!! And are just as proud seven years later of the girl you are. And I can only imagine the young woman you will become one day. I am sure no matter how I try, that to will be in the blink of an eye. Until then, you can be sure I will be keeping both eyes open wide and on you as to not miss a second of everything you grow to be. xoxoxo

All my love,

Mommy

Is it the end or the beginning????

That is the question I have been asking myself for some time now. The subject? My baby, JT, is starting school. VPK. Yeah, it is only for a half of day. But it marks the start of his long school career ahead.

We have been crazy busy this summer. We normally are busy, but even more so this summer. I think honestly it has been my defense mechanism so to speak. Trying to cram all I can into the weeks before both of my children are in school............now we just have summers to be carefree like that. Neither one of them will be home with me all day, everyday. And that, believe it or not, makes me so sad.

I have been home for just about seven years now. When we started we thought it would be for one. But here we are, all this time later. I have been with them, everyday, through everything. Admittedly, there were many a days, that I was wishing I could be working. Staying home fulltime is truly the hardest job I have ever done, or I believe ever will do. Yet, the other side to that, the much brighter, fulfilling side is simply I HAVE been home. It is such a huge blessing. A blessing I feel was hand delivered by God. My husband, has worked hard in so many ways to provide this for us. And God has been there allowing him to be able to do that. I wouldn't change a thing. But now I am faced with my dilemma. My question.

Tonight I go to JT's VPK meeting. Tomorrow, he meets his teacher and sees his classroom. One of the things I am so thankful for is once again God has provided for me. He has put people in my life to go through this with. Things that have happpened in the past, have now come to light as part of His plan. My daughter last year, could have become best friends at school with 89 other Kindergartners. But He led her to Grace. Which led me to Sarah, a friend I have had only a year, yet I feel like we have known each other since we were kids. Her family is truly one of, if not, THE most sincere, caring and loving families I have ever met. And now, her little girl, Ruby and my little boy JT are in the same class. That will greatly help me to go through this with someone I feel close to. Also, last year, when I had my brief teaching career at CHUMP, I wondered what in the world God brought me there for to have it end how it did. One of the answers I have found, was so that I could meet another new friend that was totally unexpected. I loved her daughter to pieces when I was teaching, and now I love her mom so much also. We didn't even become friends until after I left, but what a blessing Annie is. Even though her little girl will not be in the same class as JT, we will both go through it together, and I am so thankful we will!!! She has turned out to be one of my greatest sources of strength when things have been going crazy and again, I feel like we have known each other so long, she is just that special.

So I guess the answer is both. It is the end of things the way they have been. But the begining of a new way for us. New doesn't mean bad. Just different. And through it all, I keep reminding myself, that JT will love it. There will be a transition, I am sure. But he will love it........

.......even if he did ask me again last night if I could just homeschool him!!!!

The phone call..........

Well it has been about 48 hours now since the call came. It was the call I have been dreading for the last four years. After I saw I missed NINE calls from my husband, I had a knot in my stomach already knowing he would not call like that unless something was wrong.

The phone had been in our bedroom and I didn't hear it. I decided I had better go get it because he would be calling me soon. I saw the missed calls and quickly dialed his number. No answer. While waiting to hear the voice I have heard for the last seventeen years on a daily basis, my phone beeped. It was Gary. And then there it was...the five words I have dreaded....."I've been in an accident"........................


What? What? What? I said, more tears coming out each time I asked. After finding out if he was ok, I realized my heartrate had now caught up with the million thoughts flying through my head. I couldn't believe it. He sounded ok...but shaken up, I knew if he was shaken up it was bad. But I didn't even ask about the car.

Once I was able to schedule the tow truck to meet him.... in the ditch, on the interstate... I asked how the car was. Pretty banged up, was what I heard. Then I asked, what happened. I still could not believe it! Getting the kids ready to go pick him up, they were oblivious! Thankfully. There biggest question was if daddy was going to get to stay home from work tomorrow while his car got fixed! God certainly does take care of everything! :)

Driving home, with all of us together, I just kept giving praise to God for the biggest blessing in my life I have been given, Gary. I thanked him for not taking him away from us whether it would have been to the hospital, or worse. Nothing else mattered. Not how we would get around without his car, the insurance deductible, the fact that the accident was clearly not any fault of my husband's and not knowing if the car could even be fixed or not. All that mattered in the entire world was that he was ok. And with that knowledge, we were all better than ok!

The celebrating continues...........

Today, JT got to open two more birthday presents, from his Aunt Donna and Uncle Lou. He loves them!!! Such perfect gifts for him.....a bug vacuum and a backyard safari to keep his new friends in!!!!!!!!!

I still cannot believe that he is FOUR! That is so big to me.....maybe because he is my baby, I just don't want to see this time slip through my hands. I remember the day we brought him home. We were not sure if he liked us! Seriously!!! I was thinking, I hope he warms up to us! He did quickly!

I thought he was sooo tiny, and he had over a pound on his sister when she was born! I wish I could go back and watch it all again. A movie of his little life. His sweetness, smiles, hugs, and even the meltdowns he has had! They all make up who he is.

Some days, I think how in the world am I going to get him ready to one day, go out into the world and be a good man. It seems like so much work to get him ready for that. I don't know how it will all be accomplished. I get overwhelmed if I let myself think about it. One day, he will be grown. One day, he will have his own job, own family, his own home and his own difficulties and triumphs in life. Just how do Gary and I prepare him for that! I don't know, but maybe that is the reason God gives us 18+ plus years to do that work!!!!!! I will definately need that time. Until then, I will love him, and sneak kissses to him at night when he is sleeping so he doesn't wipe them off. And when he has a meltdown, like he does, I will keep reminding myself, one day I will be WISHING for that meltdown as I will be wishing for and longing for these days!!!!!!!

What we don't know........

I am so guilty of going through life, thinking I know the best thing for me. The best thing for my children. Even the best thing for my husband. I admit it. I get caught up in that easily. Then, when something does not work out, the way I believed it would, I am quick to think, why don't things go the way they are supposed to!

What I forget is that, I am not in control. God is. And honestly, He is the only one who knows. He knows what we think. He knows what we feel. He knows what we are going through now and in the future. He just knows...........US.

I try so hard to "figure out" things. I worry about things. I try to "fix" things. The answer is really simple. You would think it would be so easy to just do what we are supposed to do.....trust in our Lord. He sees things we cannot. Whether they be now, or years from now.

I look now at things that happened in my life, and think literally years later.......ahhhh that was His Plan. That is what He knew. That is how He protected me. And then there are the things that perhaps we will not know in our life on Earth. That is ok.

The last year, has been a hard one in a lot of ways. And along the way, I cried out many times to God for help on so many different levels. I only now, can look back and see, the Blessings I was given. Not only by having God in charge of so many things so much bigger than me. But by the people He put around me. The ones He made sure focussed on me in all the ways I need. And it is that knowledge, that comfort that makes me realize, what we don't know is ok. It is ok because the One who needs to know, does. And He will always provide for us in every way, even if it is in ways we don't know we need.

Where does the time go?!!!!!!?

People say it ALL the time. But it is SO true! Where. Does. The. Time. GO????

Literally, it seems like in the blink of an eye, the two little people in our lives have gone from tiny helpless little babies to two, individual, independent bigger people. We were married over ten years before we were given these gifts. Ten years. That is a long time. Yet, now I think....what the heck did we do for TEN years just the two of us? Now I can't imagine one day without either of them, yet alone years. Amazing. All I know now, is I don't want even one day without them......had I known what the other side of this would have been like......I don't think I could have waited even a day for them. We are so blessed.

Strawberry Picking=Fun and Amazing Day!!!

We had so much fun on Saturday at Oak Haven Farms!!! It was family day, we picked delicious strawberries, played on the playground, went on a hayride, had cotton candy (JT's first on a stick like that!) and bounced in the bouncehouse!!!! So much fun an FREE fun at that (well paid for the strawberries!!!)....and the weather could not have been more perfect!!! Such an awesome day that we will remember for so many years to come!!!! :)